Cue the ‘90s song, “What Is Love” by Haddaway.
But no. Really though. What exactly is love? What does it look, feel, taste, smell, and sound like?
What is the comprehensive definition of love? I used to think it was simply finding someone attractive, enjoying their company, and wanting to spend more time with that person.
I thought I knew what love was until I met Mr. Friend Charming. Friend Charming took the serene, clear snow globe I thought was love and shook the hell out of it. Now there’s sparkly shit flying everywhere, and I don’t know what’s up or down anymore. But hey, at least now it looks a lot more interesting. As we conversed more and more about the subject, more facets of love appeared, cutting through any tidy definition I had before meeting him. Thanks a lot, Friend Charming.
But no. Really though. I sincerely thank you. You took my obsession to containerize everything and challenged me to explore the chaos that is love. And what an adventure it has been.
You stoked my curiosity, and now instead of answers, I have only questions.
Is love attraction?
Is it affection?
Is it compatibility?
Is it recognition?
Is it a ripped and jacked version of friendship?
While I don’t have a concrete definition of love quite yet, I do have some examples of what love might be like.
Love looks like putting a cozy blanket over your sleeping someone, as she fell asleep on the couch with her laptop open, resting on her thighs. It’s picking up her limp, exhausted body and gently laying her on her favorite side of the bed while you tuck her in, being very careful not to wake her.
Love feels like a really long hug after a really long day.
Love tastes like your favorite candy that she brought home on her way back from work.
Love smells like a decadent duo of freshly laundered bed sheets and the shirt that he’s labored in all day.
Love sounds like her goofy laugh that begins at her belly, leaps through her lungs, vibrates her vocal chords, and finally explodes out of her open lips.
In his book, The Road Less Traveled, psychiatrist M. Scott Peck defines love as “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” He explains, “Love is as love does. Love is an act of will—namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.”
I look forward to continuing this treasure hunt in the pursuit of love’s definition. But the real treasure will be reveling in love once I’ve found it.